Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Resideux



What difference does it make
Really
Whether a blunting changes
The rubber or the rub?
To wonder:
When two edges soften
Which piece receives
the other?
What happens to the parts
Of a sharpness
Once they are dulled?
To where do the transferred pieces
flee?
Which molecules
Are moved
Or in equal measure divvied
From the scuffling
Heel
To the craggy
Sidewalk;
From the summertime tire
To the shoulders of the road;
From the flaking epidermis
To the unseen chairs in the
Dangerous rooms of the world―
Why atoms comprehend
The infallibility
Of their role
And break down
And deform like bubbles
To lesser entities
And eventually pop
Or disappear
To our ever-rubbing eyes?
When rubbing together
(in reverence of the oncoming
Inevitable
changes
of a villainous cosmos;
In reverence of the erosion and evolution
Of everything you’ve ever seen or known)
Is a magical dance
That buffs you away
Erases you
Little by little
To the smallest possible point
Over and over
Until you can be remade
Again
Little by little
In some form or another
Over and over
Double-helixing the
Sender and receiver
Squishing and sharing and gifting the goo
That makes a thing a thing
As I pretend to be
One thing
Instead of the concerted effort
Of trillions of other
One things
Because the wellspring of the dangers
And the wonders equal
Of the whole world
Are contained within the one
Universal truth that:
Something
Is
Always
Giving

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Shadowers Excerpt




"Heston came to in an odorless room, the stillness of the dark enveloping every available inch of the spaces his periphery allowed him to observe. His mind was empty, still echoing some nocturnal reverberation from the expanses of the deep sleep he’d managed to rustle himself out from. His cognizance emerged slowly, deliberately, not from his own will, but through the magic revelations of a brain he couldn’t possibly care enough about to try to understand. As the flipclock snapped the two half-oval zeros to a straight lined one, and this new echo of tangible, analog noise disrupted the dawning of the dream state, the sticky cobwebs of Heston’s waking consciousness began to be stripped away, the way a fog evaporates from a cold lake when the sun finally rises to scare it off. His face glistened like a still pond."

Monday, July 16, 2018

Formation/Tyranny



Formation and Tyranny


A cloaked brood hums
Crackle toes at fireside
Burn layers of
Oppression, empathy, hunger, poverty
Invent intention
Scrap, remold, resist
Join hands and blink
away the dying embers
of the past
Like the night owl might
protest the smoke
in its eye
and looky loo
with 360 eyes
Stories for a future tribe
are birthed
wet and new and crying
With secret contexts
Like spongy babies in the silent halls
of midnight hospitals
Crying for the want of knowing
what the fuss is all about
New stories etched and
bequeathed
Orated and
followed
To interpret through whichever cultural prism
they want to
And despite the best intentions of
the smoky congregation
The ever-futile demon:
Effort,
Spoils its own party
by virtue of
Unforeseen vanity
Unknown voids
For within the folds
of the follies
of Interpretation
of Truth
Everything evolves
Eventually
to war.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Post-title



Sit you in darkness, cloaked, hemmed in by the coos of specters rumbling tinny in a tune on a digital wave, be-hooded, bespectacled and behind on chores, slippered and sniffling from summer pollens, sipping honey-lemon tea and sucking in a newfound gut pink with sunburn from the Sandy River sun, Stoneking swamping boogies on jungle adventures, urging you to swing there and to not worry about what tomorrow will bring.

You are not one to take sitting idly mildly, so 'tween pacings of concrete barn floor cold in subduction you stalk the corners with makeshift dusters, cleaning up the cobwebs both literally and figuratively, walking your castle and assessing its majesty in spite of the spiders' takeover every spring, swishing errant cat hair from the rug with the bottoms of your feet to discard of properly because the slightest unsightliness is cause for an explosion of intense private rage. 

You are not one to admit openly of your distastes, your irritations in mixed company, your insistences on clear communication, unsullied thoroughfares of synapse-firing, backing-and-forthing, yet you sit in darkness like this, with shades drawn, with washing machine whirring in the foreground of a blues-y afternoon in the twilight of your young man life, whispering confirmations that in spite of your lethargy, you have things that still need doing, puzzles to coax and conquer from the alcoves of some as-yet-unknown landscape, and that you alone must compel these, divination be damned, for your only, only sure-thing is the spit and venom boiling inside you to make you do anything at all, whatsoever, for the rest of your goddamn shitty wonderful fucked-up life. 

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Pudding River - An Excerpt

     


       The flash came and was gone in an instant. In cracks and booms, the pissing sky clapped strobes, shaking the ground, the thunder an airborne earthquake. In the pop of light, briefly, the streaking rain was given a frame between the high rise buildings, like grainy television, a feast of the senses for those who cared. And beyond the concrete dune of the Waterfront Park surged the river, bloody, mud brown, suffocating with oily slicks of weekend getaway boats, sighing with the heaving of the wake. The meekest moon, a daily deity, shrugged at the sun behind the thunderclouds and was silent, burnt out, invisible, extinguished by the storm.

        The hobo bacchanal had only just wound down underneath the West end of the Burnside Bridge, with Abe and Jim having spoken their final spooky missives to their shadows, in the silhouettes of the Old Town brick, to each other, to the lost pedestrians who’d stumbled post-saloon jaunt toward their camp. They weren’t supposed to be here, this makeshift bridge shelter. Abe and Jim, that is. Or anyone else. But it was raining, and someone from the crew’d come upon a few three-quarter-gone fifths of booze somewhere near the bowels of the Belmont boulevards earlier in the day.
Little victories were grounds for big celebrations. Big celebrations sometimes brought along big trouble, but tonight’s good cheer was harmless, fun.

        Abe, the Wordsmith they called him, had rationed the booze out to the crew when the sun fell low over the West hills to Beaverton and the Pacific beyond earlier in the evening. The second-hand nightcap would supplement bellies full of malt liquor, discarded donuts and the last gooey droplets from the free honey packets Abe’d stolen from a sidewalk coffee stand. Give them the highs before the inevitable crashing lows. Let them hearts dance around a while before they drop into their boots to rest, and moan to rise another day. It’s always easier to fall than fly.

       Then the thunder’d sent its sonic boom to explode in the concrete acoustics of the bridge encampment, a blast as raucous as the silence only the deaf know, and it’d sent those just laid down to slumber into a jolting panic, the tatters of their sleeping bags now assaulted by diagonal rain in the dawn of the new day Northwest.

       There were about 10 of them here, homeless, resting, living under the cloak of the bridge when no one was looking. The blast from the lightning and thunder shook them from their sleep, a violent alarm clock with no snooze button. Even Abe and Jim, who’d laid down to sleep just minutes before, were shocked into a blinking stupor by the force. They’d been awake the longest, drunkest the longest, and horizontal the shortest amount of time, and were therefore most susceptible to being startled.

       The rest of the crew — Scribbler, Barbie, Light Lion, Olaf, Dolly, a few fringe types — erected themselves at 90 degree angles from their cardboard mattresses, newspaper sheets, beer-box pillows, frightened, but quickly assessed the source of the disturbance, and commenced to rest again.
This was not a raid. No one had to leave. They were safe amongst each other.
Abe shrieked into the clamor with a wheeze.
       Since Baloney Joe’s had closed years earlier, the little crew had migrated west, first closer to Chinatown, into the fledgling bosom of the Pearl, where the alleys still held the stain of the Skid Row urinations, where warehouses and bodegas were now boutique dress shops and rustic cafes. Thanks to the corralling of the unsightly street folk away from incoming Californians, it didn’t take long for Abe, Jim and the crew to retreat back toward the river, into the open arms of the Grotto, as they’d settled on calling it.

       To be accurate, there was no crew. No doctrine espousing rules and regulations, no unspoken gang credo or any tangible sense of obligation to each other — outside of the vague, silent bond between Abe and Jim. The rest of them lingered in the background, like extras in a scene filmed on a busy street in the East Village, staggering, following, listening. Earpieces for Abe’s many rants.
Jim did not speak. Could, but didn’t. He gestured with thoughtful, bushy eyebrows, grayed by the soot of a wicked world, by a life spent lurking in the dumpster. He was a tall, silent sage, big booted, hairy-eared with a big Roman nose and eyes green like the Doug Fir forests he loved to walk through en route on one of his aimless, months-long hikes. Walking Jim, they called him. When they called Jim that, he just smirked. His was a temperament not easily rattled.

       Abe and Jim’d come up with the name “the Grotto,” Abe vocalizing it, Jim nodding. Firstly, it was a moniker by which they’d hoped to lure in women to keep them warm, the famous Grotto of the Playboy Mansion serving as the blueprint for such a decree. Conjuring nicknames was a vehicle by which they could suspend their disbelief; pretend their situations were temporary and that the realities they’d endured for the last seven — eight, nine, 10 — years were just a hiccup, a stumble on overgrown roots in the sidewalk, with quick recovery, slight embarrassment, but in the end a keep on keepin’ on.
The Grotto was one of maybe six locales wherein the crew would inhabit for hours at a time, sometimes days when the weather was bad.

       The weather was always bad, and there was no better place to escape it than the Grotto. Shelter’s required too much intimacy, too many forms, too much coddling.
It admitted defeat.

       Abe’s pride, a bottomless reservoir fueled by idiot savant cynicism and a hive’s worth of honey, kept him from joining the ranks of what he viewed as the “petit bourgeoisie of the New Order”—ye of the pristine wave of Portland outcasts. The armchair hobos. The affluent teenaged gutter punks slumming it to stick it to their parents.

*********************************************************************************


       Abe was called Abe Wordsmith on account of his pontificating nature. He’d been a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne during Vietnam, in the 3rd Brigade, or so he’d like to tell folks whenever they became entwined in one of his long-winded lyrical vomitings. Per Abe, his role in the Tet Offensive — including combat duties in the Huế-Phu Bai area of the I Corps sector, later to Saigon and into the Iron Triangle, where his bravery resulted in the saving of untold numbers of civilian lives on nothing but three hours sleep in a week — was crucial. With the crooked accent of his United States Army Veterans cap worn like a badge of honor, Abe’s disposition erupted like the ‘chutes of his Army days, flapping in a stuttered wind, like popcorn rattling in the bottom of a pot, his intrigues, observations, lectures and pop quizzes, his knowledge of 1940s German vocal ensembles, of General Custer and physics bursting in fantastic tics and winks, woohoos! and lemme tell ya somethings. All of it betrayed, or rather masked, a central truth.

       No one knew for sure what Abe was trying to say.

       Abe looked like and spoke precisely like Gregory Corso, was mistaken for him all the time, both toothless New Yorkers built on Brooklyn visions, able to stir the stoic world into a tart cocktail. Abe was a cultured old-time wino, brimming with equal parts thoughtful playfulness and downright crass sexual innuendo. He was bewitched by women, but had abandoned the physical and emotional mechanics to convey anything more than invitations to the Grotto, or somewhere closer — “and bring yuh sistuh!” he’d say — or inquiring the birthdates of those females walking by in the parks where Abe went to socialize. He knew his astrological signs by heart, and would gift a brusque reading in the time it took for them to put a skip in their steps past his warbled advance.

       With no women around to jam his senses into a jelly, something inside Abe shifted, tectonic-like. His heart and brain aligned, causing tremors, defying anatomy’s geographical laws. His libido would vanish, or hide, or sleep, and the sun would again rise over the horizons of his ribcage to illuminate, brighten, provide the life to him. And he shared it with whoever was within earshot.
       “I want you tuh look up ‘that sky and you tell me why dat sky’ suh blue,” sayeth Abe to a young man walking his bike through the branchy shade of Laurelhurst Park on a marshmallow sky day.

       With no answer, Abe clawed in:

       “Well first you must know what blue sky laws are,” he’d begin. “And drinking the elixuh from the land of the sky blue water. Minnesota, something for everyone. Everyman. The tale of two cities…”

       And like that, Abe was ignored, if not pitied entirely. His responses were Rimbaud on Ritalin, cracking at the seams, poetic and nonsensical and rambling, and fatally insightful.

       “Terse ennui,” Abe would call the lethargy of the people he’d encounter. It irritated him, the plight of the populace flocking to live in “Cementville,” looming on the synthetic banks of the Pudding River — his term of everlasting endearment to the serpent Willamette — like the scummy run-off eastern cesspool of the North River and its asphyxiating view of the sky scrapers of the New York City he remembered from youth.

       It was all a mess. And he’d figure it out in his own way at some point. He was making friends in people like Jim, acquaintances in pen pals who’d stuck around long enough to listen to his sermons of insanity. Every day a new beginning. Every night a nuisance.

*********************************************************************************

       “Big bold dares! Baudelaire I dare say, in repose by posing bypass alley!” rumbled Abe, clacking a whittled walking stick twice-a-step down the maudlin cobblestone walks of Fifth Avenue, trucker hat pulled low over his brow, tonguing his toothless gums, his lower jaw tucked tight to the top like an old witch. Pedestrian commuters hold their stony glares straight ahead, pretending not to see, hear, smell Abe. Not to notice him at all. Forget he exists, or pretend – or worse, wish – he didn’t. He is a Northwest fog, rolling in to cloud the earth, but destined to recede, to disappear. Young women wearing Debbie Gibson fedoras and too much makeup fidget to find their headphones, to block out the noise. Old women feign window shopping in the touristy gift shops and wintry café displays. The Abe in the reflection of the windows is less threatening, somehow illusory. Street cleaners operate the trash tongs to pinch billions of cigarette butts and haul them in the garbage can, working around Abe’s clackety clamor, around his feet, apparently undisturbed by his presence, unyielding to his fantastically frantic orations. He is a piece of the landscaping of the busy metropolis, a tree, a stoplight, a sidewalk. A garbage can. The application of a distraction – digging for change in a pocket, becoming suddenly hyper-aware and curious in the headline of a passing news periodical, looking straight up the side of a tall high rise to watch the window-washers work - suffices as an excuse for passersby not to have to acknowledge Abe’s existence. We do not hear, see, smell, touch that with which we are unaware.

       “Since when du duh buses charge for du bus ride? Dis here’s Fareless Sqwayuh I told um! Not a drop to duh bastehds will I in good conscience bequeath, for ‘twas, twat Tet Offensive tenure gave me light. Duh poowell table pwurple language is evident! Jus’ think widout duh words tuh read! The ear’s a fool!”

       On and on, the words escaped Abe’s squished face, to him hymns of wanderlust, of wizardly words for a decaying world. To everyone else, it was the white noise pulsing just beyond the fringes of a ham radio – something that was there. A person in the world…

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Excerpts of Excerpts from the Nocturnal Dialogue



There were always blacker things tumbling in the orbits of the multiverse, unspeakable biologies wrenching in the shadows of the liquid moons of unobservable dark space, where stars aren’t even called stars but are articulated being to being (or force to force) instead by the dispersing of white-hot light glowing inside you, calligraphing in the cephalopod dialect of light and color, of covert cloudiness and with the punctuation of disappearance in inky silence. Where black holes are never seen, rather felt, because maculas and irises are unknown freedoms of vision in a cosmic know-nothing void where “seeing” is not even a sense but some kind of unbelievable dream. Where the aimless paths of asteroids foist murderous intent with no discernible brains at all, for the cosmos boils and burps with algorithms and equations of faith and fate that all our cleverest scientists, clairvoyants, physicists and moonbeam-baby astronomers could never possibly deduce.
Understanding the hue-moods of the naked deep-sea octopus, then, is nearly a supernatural undertaking.
But crawfish aren’t octopi - not yet anyway - with really no exception. The laws of evolution are hardly etched in stone; and even stone etchings have a shelf life. There was absolutely no logical explanation as to why a glowing crustacean might be fisting its telepathic Bantu into the sensitive fissures of his psyche.
But that unlikelihood, after all, is why stories are told, why anything is worth reading or wondering on. If everything worked the way it was supposed to, if leaps of logic and reason were never to be endeavored, what dreadful films might we be watching in the darkened theaters of the world that we couldn’t see right outside our front doors everyday?
A crawdad was sending messages to a little boy from a creek in Fairdale, California, and it was fucking things up.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Exercises in Forgiveness



"I want you to know that there are times when I find myself able to understand why you do what you do. Why you did what you did. There are fissures of clarity, maturity and apathy that allow for infinitesimally minute waves of forgiveness. Like a shrug in a hurricane. Or a wink in winter snow.
"There are moments when I find it not only completely okay, if a bit ruthless, for you to be exactly who you are at the expense of others’ trust, others’ love, others’ possibly unstable psychological balances, I deign even to eek out a tiny smile, like a silent salute to the overwhelming powers of thuggery, cowardice, soul-stomping uncaring. And in those moments - those weak links in the chain - I love you again for just a millisecond for being everything I’d hoped you would be to everyone else but me. And it’s like a little time travel bonanza to the one millisecond of adventure and fun I feel comfortable acknowledging we shared together.
"You get one second, and nothing more."
You get one millisecond. And you get no more." 

Collide-o-Scope

We are surrounded gag rag throat muffled rope burn wrists swollen blind eyes fist blackened  feet heel-stomped and shoeless ...